I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't.

:]
I think it's a good plan.
I don't need you, or your stupid little friends. I've got all my own.
You used me and really, it's not even worth my time to even think about it anymore. Do you know how capable I am of making YOU'RE life miserable? But I'm not heartless, and I'm going to be better than you, so I'm not going to do that.

So I'm starting over brand new and changing my views on everything.
That's all.
I'm not spilling my feelings about anything else.
I can't. There are too many feelings to talk about.

My mood swings need to chill. I have no idea how to control them.
One moment I'm so happy and I feel wonderful, then the next I get sad and draw to my room and I won't come out for anything. Over tiny, minuscule things, too. Like not being able to talk to my boyfriend 24/7 or being to fatfatfat to fit into my prom dress comfortably.
People at school probably think I'm fine, but I can hide my feelings so well, you'd never know that I was miserable. Unless it was really bad. And it has been before.
I've felt so hopelessly lost for so long now.
I don't know what else to feel.

So now, I just think ahead and how much more better my life will be after I graduate.
Although, that is next year.

I'm shaking. That probably from being hungry and drinking too much coffee, though.

I'm also really tired...its only 9:30...

Hello, please hold

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Always, always, always waiting for something.
I hate feeling anxious.
Where's the summer?

With everything!
sdklajhkjrfhkakfjhakfg
I'm always upset about something. I don't feel like I'm ever really happy.
I'm always bothered with something else, so whenever I should be having fun, and I should be happy, I'm really not.
Not at all.
It seems like when one thing gets better, another gets worse, and it's not working itself out.
I don't know how to feel anything else besides frustration. I feel claustrophobic in my own skin. Every single little thing bothers me.
I was sitting in the commons area and heard people say 'tooken' three times, and that annoyed me to no end. But it's no secret that people with bad grammar annoy me.
When minor details to plans are changed I get so aggravated.
When Mrs. Nevitt decides that EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SHE HAS TO YELL IT, I want to put a muzzle over her mouth and tell her to shut up.
I get mad because my boyfriend hangs out with his friends every single day and I don't get to talk to him until late.
I'm annoyed by everything.
The wind, the sun, people, noises, inanimate objects, EVERYTHING.
I don't know how to change.

I can't seem to sleep enough.
I'm supposed to be writing an editorial about Carbon Footprints.
But I'm not focused enough to be going on and on about CO2 emissions humans constantly create and how they should learn to do things that impact the world less as to ensure a better future for their children and their children's children, and so on.
But anyways, I'm sick.
I've diagnosed myself with exhaustosis.
Because I'm so exhausted and tired that I'm getting headaches, earaches, stomachaches...ect.
Maybe I'm just a baby. But I do think that I could benefit from more sleep. This will happen on spring break. Sleepsleepsleep.
I'm not doing a single thing.
Actually, I probably will. But I'm going to sleep a lot, too.

Okay, carbon footprint time.

I hate mid-terms.
Stupid, pointless mid-terms. I have my Geometry mid-term tomorrow, which I'm more than likely going to fail.
Wonderful.
Tatum's birthday party is tomorrow. Her friends are coming over and I'm going to DIE.
I'm extremely hungry.
Man...I'm boring.
:/

Every.thing. is falling apart.
Even me.
I'm buckling under all this weight. I know I brought it upon myself, but I never knew I'd be so weak.
So, so, SO weak.
I've felt like I have been going to puke since Saturday. I know I'm not sick, but I've messed up so badly...it makes me sick.
This sucks.

One Tree Hill makes me jealous.
Especially of Haley and Nathan. They have something sooooo special. It's not fair.
But it'll happen for me. Along with everyone else. I do believe that.
I do believe that there is someone out there specially picked for someone else. Just one person that can make you so unbelievably happy you can't imagine that there was ever anyone before that.
There is a perfect match for everyone.

Anyways, the ACT is on Tuesday. Ohhhhh boy am I looking forward to that. Sorta...not really.
Why does Hancock County High School suck so bad?
I mean, I'm not just meaning the school system, but the entire student body.

Wow.

I'm in English.
I'm freezing.
I think I finally know what I want to do for my major.


FINALLYFINALLY.

I'm pretty sure I hate school, though.

Sooooooooooooooo...I never ever post.
I'm never ever on the computer.
It doesn't bother me.
I'm sick.

B R E A T H E

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Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead.
DEAD.
Ahhh.
Something about finding things out about someones past unnerves me. Doesn't matter what it is. It just does.
So anyways...5 days until my birthday.
I was born at 11:11 am. Be jealous.
Although, I have no idea why you would be.

I'm done with band. I can't take it anymore. It puts wayyy too much stress on me and takes up way too much of my time. Everything would be so much easier.
So, I have now decided that next year I am not going to be in band. I've weighed out the pros and cons and the pros defintely outweigh the cons. With band I don't have time for a job, or anybody else. I can't stay dedicated to something like that whenever I hate basically everyone there and...I don't know. I'm done. Offically.
[:

On a different note...actually, there really isn't anything else going on....

I got a sunrise today [:
lolol
My playing test is tomorrow and I'm definitely not ready and I know I'm gonna fail. Maybe that's why I haven't been stressing out about it. Like...at all.
I have to focus on actual schoolwork. Because this semister is so much harder than the last one.
What with Mrs. Nevitt giving homework assignments everynight. Mr. Schwindel, too. Then there's English that I always try really hard in because it's the only think I'm good at in school. So right now, band isn't my top priority. The ACT and things like that are.
So I'm not worried about it. I just want to get it over with. It's just 10 minutes of my life that are going to be awful, but then I step out of his office and everyone is over it.
Who cares about chair placements anyways? I'm good, better than Kara, I know that at least. So I don't care what chair I get because when it comes to actual band, that is when I try.
I have too much on my plate right now. I have the ACT in april, which I'm going to take more than once, I know that. I have service learning projects that I just now found out were MANDITORY and I have to do them and they're due on the 20th. I have US history, Geometry, and English homework every night. I have Community Service I still need to do. I have to find a prom date(?), thats not really important, I just need to buy tickets and I don't know to buy two or one...and I still have to find a dress. And other things that I can't think of at the moment. I find it hard to control my own life -_-